Real Programmer's Code of
Real programmers don't write specs -- Users
should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take
what they get.
- Real programmers don't comment their code.
If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read.
Real programmers don't write application
programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application
programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming.
- Real programmers don't eat quiche. They eat
Twinkies, and Szechwan food.
Real programmers' programs never work right
the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be
patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions.
- Real programmers don't write in Fortran.
Fortran is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any
real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all
- Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually,
no programmers write in BASIC after the age of 12.
Real programmers don't document.
Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object
- Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or
Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages.
Strong typing is for people with weak memories.
Real programmers know better than the users
what they need.
- Real programmers think structured
programming is a communist plot.
Real programmers don't use schedules.
Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep
their manager in suspense.
- Real programmers think better when playing